sooo.. i haven't been as faithful to this thing as i've said i would be... I've been on xanga.. but i havent been updating ehh.. oh well.. i guess you'll just have to see what i write once in a blue moon...

so graduation is coming up for oxon hill high and i just spent my evening listening to gi-ann recite her speech.. ehh.. lol.. it's kind of sad because it reminds me that i wasnt valedictorian... and that my parents know that i am the better speaker and writer of the family.. but i wasn't able to write a speech or deliver it.. ehh it's really kinda sad ehh......

it also reminds me of that inkling feeling inside me that wants to become an actress some day... being able to act out a scene or bring out all the inflections in a sentence.. blah

on another note...

i'm planning on living the life of SHORT NAILS :( haha because i want to pursue my piano and guitar playing.. that means i have to chop off my nails =(... hopefully they grow back nicely for the HP premiere lol getting the dark mark on them babies hahah jk...

SPEAKING ABOUT THE HARRY POTTER PREMIERE!!! TELL ME WHY at hoffman the poster for HP says its on the 15th?!?!??!?!?!?!? coulda SWORN it was on the 17th!!! like what movie premieres on a wednesday?!?!? AHHHHHH just checked the premiere date! WHY THE FUCK did they change it to the 15th?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR this upsets me..... a lot... ARGGGGG


i think im gonna go vent now about this hp deal instead of typing to you guys... sorry =/

HELLO XANGA!!!

So, I know I haven't been on lately... and that when I am on I don't update... and I'm sorry about that. I will try to get better at that.

There are a million things to blog about and I can never find one thing that would truly inspire me to write much. Is it sad to say that now that xanga has lost a lot of it's fame because of myspace or facebook, I want and feel more comfortable using this?

Well, to begin my attempt at actually blogging and updating, I will write about the current drama in my life.

So there's this guy... and I was really cool with him. We'd talk for hours online and had conversations on many different topics.

well... our recent conversations were structured around how his fantasy is for a girl to make him a lunch box, followed by him asking me if i would make him a lunch box. then it would proceed to how he needs to get a girlfriend because his parents were starting to question his sexuality, and then that he wanted a more mature girl who was chill. I asked why he didnt go for the girls at his school who "loved him".... and he just said they were too old and he was only ok with someone about a year or so older than him...

so i began thinking.. wow he has a crush on him.. and next thing you know... the semester ends at his school and he comes over the house a lot (he's friends with my lil sis as well).

so long story short, and without all of the obvious signs of him liking me that my friends picked up... he admitted he actually did like me. However, because he told me this through aim i was unsure whether he meant he actually liked me liked me or whether he just liked me in general as a person.

but things have been super awkward lately because the whole time before he actually said anything i already knew he liked me.. so every action he committed to try and get close to me was.... awkward.. and every comment he said about me, like me having man shoulders, was upsetting...

SO... i confronted him about it.. and that's when he told me he liked me without actually telling me which type of like he was talking about. and he told me that when he said things like "me being a hermaphradite" (because i'm way too chill and perverted to be like other girls) that he was kidding.. and i told him that i didn't like how he was always openly judging me like him analyzing my choice of clothing, or if i had makeup on, or if i spent time on my hair, or anything like that... i felt really awkward.. key word of the blog AWKWARD.. i felt that way because most guys don't judge you straight out... they look at you subtly and think in their minds little things like makeup or hair.. but with him telling me or asking me straight out i was weirded out by the idea that he was always staring at me.. watching me.. judging me and my every movement...

so after confronting him he apologized and said that he was just kidding and that he thought i was really pretty and that by me telling him he shouldn't judge people, it made him a better person.

soooo... i thought we ok now.. but when i went to see them play tennis, him, my lil sis, and some other friends, it was completely awkward.. i said hi and offered him some food and he answered me with one word answers...

so i felt like he lied to me about getting over it, being nicer, and not judging people.. instead he completely withdrew. then i felt out of place because i came to joke around with them and have fun, but it was just boring tennis playing.. no random happiness.. no ladila playing.. so i went and swang on the swings and then later took a semi-nap in the shade (i wasn't wearing anything appropriate for tennis since i came from work).

in the end i hung out with some friends of mine or called people.. but when it was time to say good bye.. i got nothing.. he just stood around with his friend.. and was playing tennis.. maybe he wanted me to make the first move.. but i wasn't in the mood for it after having him somewhat ignore me when i first approached him...


sigh so there's my bit of current drama... what do you think? =/

so let's say that i don't DO blogs anymore..

ha

HAPPY EASTER!!

so school starts back up tomorrow.. dunno if i'm gonna enjoy that or not... gonna start working out again.. heh im so out of shape now.. kinda sucks.. o well.. I WILL BE FIT AGAIN BY SUMMER.. hopefully.. ehh

college really does give you those extra pounds huh.. lol..

on another note.. spring break is coming to a close.. and well.. it kinda sucked.. i didn't get to hang out with ANYONE.. except for the occasional visit and clubbing with maria.. most of it was just family and sleep time.. i WAS able to go and hang out with aiden though ^_^.. that made up for some of the dissapointment that was my spring break.. aiden met my sisters and maria.. that was... awkward.. but they like each other lol..

AIDEN MY LOVE... MY LOVED ONES TOTALLY TOLD YOU THINGS THAT THEY"VE NEVER ADMITTED TO ME.. what whores.. lol sikesike..

someone needs to go to sleep on time!!! hope that works out for you.

on the other hand.. i really do miss my friends.. been through some drama this past month.. and its kinda still getting to me. i mean i can talk about it and stuff.. but its just too damn stupid for me to just let it go.. i guess it just bothers me because what my sister told me was right.. i think of the brighter, nicer, GOOD part of a person.. and get that character out of my head and turn it into like the personality of the actual person.. this persona i begin to trust.. and i never think bad of them.. and then when they turn around and do something to me.. i am even more affected because the person i made up in my head wasn't the person that the actual person was.

anyway i've decided that i really need to stop being so nice and welcoming everyone into my life and trusting their good qualities.. or the good front they put up in front of me.  i just set myself up for more damage..

i went through a time where i really thought about the people i hang out with.. and maybe it's because the people close to my heart were actually good people.. and that's why i easily trust and care for others.. but after the drama.. i really thought of my loved ones.. my best friends and my close friends.. and i just really appreciate all they've done for me.. i appreciate them for loving me for being me and not judging or wanting to mold me into something i'm not..

and then when i think of this i think also of how college has really split us apart.. how we haven't been able to hang out or just call one another because someone else i in class or something..it really makes me wish that i can go back in time and stay in high school; so i could always wake up each day knowing that i'll find a friendly face, a deep conversation, or a comfortable silence that i could share with the people that mean the most to me.

and then i think even more.. and realize how truly blest i am to still be alive.. to have had the friends i had..and the family i have.. to experience the things i've experienced.. and i thank God because he's made all of it possible. He's blessed me so much with everything that i had, have, and will have.. and i'm just so thankful...

k i'm getting emotional so i'll stop here..

Happy Easter Everyone!